just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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