great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
