is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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