There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
