some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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