I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
