This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
