Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
