you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
two words...techno handjob
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's shark week go big or go home
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
