i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
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If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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