You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
