don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
