I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My vagina is very pro this idea
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
