We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
