we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
