I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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