I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
