The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
