Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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