I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
