Don't you send me to vm
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
