you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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