She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
