He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
