did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
