It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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