just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
