apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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