So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
