You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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