My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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