I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
