I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
