I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
