who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
