have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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