Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
this is an emotional support booty call
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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