Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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