I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We are all done wearing pants today
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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