If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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