He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
