god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
