oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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