you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
