feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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