come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
