i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
