Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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