Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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