i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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