somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
