I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
