I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
