i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
