All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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