I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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