You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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