Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
