i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I need water and some morals
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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