Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
