i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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