saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
