i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
