They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
