These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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