You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
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