okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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