how can u be prego again
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
