it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
