Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
