SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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