she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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